DorothyJ

Why am I here?????

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Final apologies by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Final apologies

I've seen the hurt in every line you write. What I did was wrong, but neither of us were right. I'm no longer bitter, as you obviously are, but please remember the apple doesn't fall far. I take full responsibility for a mistake among friends; about which you'd never know if I hadn't tried to make amends. Simply an attempt to fix the trust that I broke please know you were not the only butt of that 'joke' We all did wrong, so don't point blame and don't give up on a friend; you know his name. Whether you'll read this, I can't be sure this is my final apology, for what it's worth.

Temporary savior by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Temporary savior

I'm talking to you now 'cause I have no one else and I know that you'll listen to the problems within myself I'm gonna tell it all every untold truth and I know that it will die along with you Here it is all I've done wrong all the people I've hurt for so long They have no idea all the secrets I hide or that behind every smile was another reason to lie I hurt a good friend when I was drunk one night I wanted to get even so I kissed another guy Because he ignored me and I felt unloved I only wanted to share the pain that he was a part of So the guy I kissed he fell for me but I told my friend he meant nothing to

Of one by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Of one

Of drunken fathers and weakened mothers and children who can't tell one love from another. Of blind mothers and abusive men and children who knew only what they've seen. Of uncaring people who judge their lives hard, forgetting the children whose minds are gone. Of one child without a home, without a family and without a soul. Of children long forgotten, their innocence wilting away. So in search of their childhoods that they forget about today. Of kids searching for understanding in any place they may. So desperate to survive in places they once played. Of children losing touch with a world they no longer know. On

Illusions of happiness by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Illusions of happiness

Happiness is ours to take for the choosing. Either way, it's all an illusion. All the rules we never follow. All the pride we've learned to swallow. All caught up in society's decay. Chasing after what pushes away. Falling just short when trying to measure up. We give it our all but it's never enough. Striving to be normal, but don't know what that is. Constantly we're searching for what may not exist. So damn tired of hurting when we dare to fall. Yet do others the same as we question it all. Feeling the pain of losing all hope. Letting ourselves fall only to be saved by the rope. ~October ?, 2004~

They say by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

They say

They say that you never forget your first love. and you shouldn't question what you know nothing of. They say you should cherish every moment you're awake. Even if those moments at times feel fake? They say you should look both ways before you cross. They like to claim we're our own boss. But what if real love I still don't know? What if I'm uncertain which way to go? What if I would rather lie here in my bed and silently pray for sleep to stop the cycle in my head? What if too often I find myself looking back? I let the past rule me because the future looks black. They tell me to be happy that I've a reason to live.

Like you... by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Like you...

I thought it'd be easier if I could be like you. I'd close off my heart and not let anyone through. I thought to get rid of all this pain I'd never let anyone in so I wouldn't feel this way again. I thought I'd brush off all those that I know. and life would be better if I just let go. Because you can't fall if you're too afraid to fly. You can't lose it all if you let it pass you by. You can't replace what can never be stole. You can't be broken if you were never whole. You can't miss life if you live it all alone. You can't break a heart that's made of stone. You can't feel empty if you feel nothing at all. You c

Apathetic by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Apathetic

Here I am ready to leave it all behind. still waiting for a reason, one I cannot find. It would be so easy to end all of this. Just one cut across my wrist. Let my blood run and fall to the floor. Let it stain, 'cause I don't care anymore. I'll watch my entire life behind closed eyes as I await that last breath which I so despised. I don't give a damn if I make my mom cry. Don't care if you're upset that I didn't say goodbye. It doesn't matter to me who cries the most. I won't have to see your tears when I'm a ghost. If things left between us fill your heart with dread, all you need remember is my pain came to an e

the end of me by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

the end of me

I sit here all alone in the middle of my floor I'm waiting for the phone 'cause I can't take anymore. Why won't you call? somebody please, tell me it's okay to fall. Don't let this be the end of me. I put the song on repeat as I contemplate impending doom. Death would be so sweet if it would only come soon. why won't you tell me that things will be okay? I don't care if it's a lie, I really need it to stay. Drowning in self-pity I look at the bottles of stuff, the labels never warned me not to take them all at once. Crying and shaking, I try to comfort myself: tomorrow I won't be waking in this life of hell.

Words by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Words

Words that hurt. Words that heal. Words you said that were never real. Words not worth not even a reply. Words that make you want to die. Words that hold a hidden meaning. Words so bad, not worth repeating. Words that scar and torture the soul. Words unsaid that make you feel whole. Words that encourage you to succeed. Words that make you disbelieve. Words of secret, not to be told. Words of anger that make you old. Words that help us to express. Words that cause such loneliness. Words that mean not a damn thing. Words you speak when no one's listening. Words of hope that go unspoke, it's on these words

The easy way out by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

The easy way out

Because the knife, it held no blade. The gun was never loaded in the first place! Fingers tremble, won't tie the knot. Mind runs forever in an empty burial plot. The pills became too hard to swallow. Heart is dead, body won't follow. Found yet another reason not to smile. Reached the end, forced to walk another mile. Can't live life always being on guard. How did the easy way out become so hard?

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the gift from above by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

the gift from above

What is love? Is it merely a feeling? A treasured gift from above that loses all meaning? Some say it can't be described, it's just that great. Yet from it we hide, or choose to tolerate. Others say it's worth the pain and suffering because in the end it's everything. If love is so splendid, why does it have to hurt? Catching you off guard, shoving you in the dirt. Why's love come attached to such high prices? Try to make it last, but fate's already decided. Is love even real, or just a fictional thing? Dreampt up by people to keep us wandering. Love means nothing to those who have it. Some love cause it's expected

The games we play by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

The games we play

Remember the games we used to play? Red light, green light, go away! We all grow up, but memories stay strong, what do we look forward to for so long? Trying to grow up before our time, constantly searching for a sign. "Of course I love you. Why don't you stay?" This is the first of our many mistakes. Believing fairytales still come true tricks us into being used. But happy endings don't exist don't base it all on that first kiss. "Of course I love you, but you can't stay" constantly learning from past mistakes. Trying to stay young, erase burdens of time, realizing we missed all the signs. Now we're all grown, innocence long

Forgotten child by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Forgotten child

Never meant to be, not like the rest. I'm god's uncertainty, I never passed the test. Almost normal I seem, but take a closer look. When god created me he didn't go by the book. Upon my creation god was selective. An aim for perfection that didn't meet the objective. I'm an endless question with limited possibilities, already destined to a life of insecurities. Constantly torn, my living is a sin. Why was I born, I never should have been? Are these the family ties to which I'm eternally bound? I am what you despise and never wanted around. Because I am your secret, the wound you won't expose. I am the outlet for th

My last by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

My last

One last time you'll hear the phone ring. One last time the other end will be me. One last fling you'll soon not remember. But I carry it with me and treasure it forever. One last time I shut and lock my door, trying to spare you from what's in store. One last time I'll wait to be found. God knows they'll try, but I won't come around. One last thing, before I head along my way. I've some final words to you I must say. Deep down you knew that I would not stay. Just know that you tried, but it was already too late. Remember everything you do holds a price you gotta pay. and you were on my mind as I lived my last day.

You... by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

You...

I don't need you in my life anymore you made that clear when you threw me out that door. I don't need you trying to be a mom when I was my own for so damn long. I don't need you pretending to have cared. How the hell could you when you were never there? Why can't you see the pain in my eyes? You are the battle I can no longer fight. What little peace I knew when I was young does nothing to ease what you have done. The only world I knew came crashing down fast- who knew my childhood innocence wouldn't stand a chance? You don't know what it's like to be freezing cold, because you had a mom at nine years old. All th

child of darkness by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

child of darkness

Remember me? we had a deal. I helped you escape all that was real. You longed not to struggle with a torn society you led the way by following me. I was your attempt to delay those dates with destiny, now you curse the world for its harsh realities. Living in the darkness meant forgetting it all. The darkness wanted you and you answered the call. Now the hurt's consumed and you're in too deep. You've become a child of darkness and now you're mine to keep.

Destiny by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Destiny

I was never supposed to be loved I was led astray. I let hope sucker me in and now I know pain. Never open up or trust in anyone, nobody will ever love me- things I should've learned young. Forever trying to change and making the same mistake, of letting someone in so my trust they can take. Betrayal helps it find me it's never been on my side. Depression won't let me rest until it takes my life. I feel it calling for me and I'm trying to be strong. I'll pretend I don't notice, though it's been in me all along. Depression chases me and I can no longer run. I thought I had escaped it. I thought that I had won. Never use

protection from sorrow by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

protection from sorrow

Tell me, is it wrong to protect myself from sorrow? You say I'm running, I'm only preparing for tomorrow. Because I know that you're gonna leave. If I keep my distance this pain will ease. I'm tired of being the last one standing. It's on your unspoken words that I am hanging. Just longing to hear three little words: tell me you won't leave and I won't get hurt. Endlessly searching for what I've never known. Will I know it when I see it, or end up alone? So hard to believe when I haven't got a reason. Can you help me to do that? Will this be my season? I don't want to lose what I don't yet have, but I can't walk b

Dead end by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Dead end

We ruined what we had before it began. Tell me, why do I start things that only end sad? I've lost my way if I knew it in the first place. What will it take for me to stay in this race? Dare to hope, I always do that! Now I see that's not my path. I'll never find what I still seek. It doesn't exist, at least not for me. Don't tell me what to do, let me know how to feel. And is it okay to tell you, or would that make this real? Frustration whirls constantly, constantly in my head: are you the one? or another dead end?

3696 by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

3696

Remember the day I stopped myself from crying I didn't realize that one day I'd be trying. Now I desperately want to shed some tears and feel the pain I've buried all these years. You told me that I had to go. When would I be home? you said you didn't know. I stifled the hurt, couldn't let you see me cry. I left that day without saying goodbye. I tried so hard not to get off track when you came for the others and never asked for me back. In this cruel world you left me all alone without a place to call my home. Tried not to think about how you'd never call. I became dead to you so I built this wall. I used to lov

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A Call to Hell by cocky-gurlie, literature

Literature

A Call to Hell

Last night I called up Hell just to check on a room I spoke straight to the Devil and told him I'd be there real soon Because ever since the night you said goodbye without a kiss I've known Hell's eternal flames would still feel better than this I've even turned to the bottle yet still can't get him off my mind Jack and Jim said they could help but it turns out those two lied So looks like it's up to me just like it's been in the past it's not my first broken heart I'm sure it's probably not my last You know I'm not the type to just lay down and die although I've made my reservation I'm still putting up a fight But when I

Make A Mistake by cocky-gurlie, literature

Literature

Make A Mistake

I don't know what's happened have I really lost my mind? The days melt with each other it's like I've lost all sense of time. When you're here in this room I know what Heaven must be like. Not a care in the world can find me everything just feels so right. What is it that you have that endears you to me so? I could search forever for the answer but maybe it's something I'll never know. You say you're not so sure that what we have is right. Maybe we won't last so lets get lost in just tonight. What have you got to lose except your loneliness and doubt? Maybe you're just afraid to see that I'm the one you can't live without.

Perspective Of A Tear by cocky-gurlie, literature

Literature

Perspective Of A Tear

She glanced across the crowded room and caused all this to start you somehow caught her in your spell and completely stole her heart. But now I can't count the ways you've managed to let her down where once her beautiful smile was now I can only find a frown. I'm the tear that's shed each time you prove her wrong and give her one more empty promise that's meant only to string her along. Does it make you happy to see her hurt? Or do you not care at all? When she can't take more of your lies that's when it's my job to fall. I know her perfumed fingers I know the cold, hard floor you should know I'm not the first there have be

When The Divine Skies Cry by fuckieduckie, literature

Literature

When The Divine Skies Cry

When The Divine Skies Cry When the divine skies cry, Will my troubles inside wash away in the tide? When the divine skies cry, Will it be the end of my ride? And will it be time to go inside? When the divine skies cry, Will it water my roots? And will they soothe my aching wounds? When the divine skies cry, Will my flower bloom? Or will it be my watery tomb? When the divine skies mourn, Is it the end of living? Or is it a new beginning? When the divine skies moan, Will it overflow, An overdose of angel teardrops? When the divine skies sob, Will the sunshine show? When the divine skies moan, Will the clouds stay dark, And will it dim my heart

I'm Gonna Cry by cocky-gurlie, literature

Literature

I'm Gonna Cry

Sitting alone in this house again tonight doors locked, windows drawn, and this cheap bottle of wine. Surrounded by pictures hanging on the wall of one of the greatest loves that I can recall. What were the odds that you and I would meet? After all we were just strangers on a busy street. Something in your eyes held me captive that day and no matter how I try, it still wont let me get away. I've never been the type to show how I feel I always hold it in, even when the pain gets too real, sometimes it physically hurts when I think of you but sitting here tonight, there's not much else to do. I thought holding it all in would someh

It would be you by cocky-gurlie, literature

Literature

It would be you

If it were a river it would be the deepest one around If it were a dream it would be the one left broken on the ground If it were a tidal wave it would sink a million ships If it were the moon it would forever be in full eclipse If it were a drink it would be the strongest one If it were a sad song it would be the longest ever sung If it were a blizzard it would be a record breaking cold If it were a fairy tale it would be the biggest lie ever told If it were a color it would be the deepest shade of blue But if it we're talking about a heartache it would be you.

Doomed by cocky-gurlie, literature

Literature

Doomed

I don't know what to think I'm lost for words to say as fast as the words come to me even faster do they slip away. There's so much I need tell I wish I could just find the words but somehow I don't think it matters it feels like I'm the voice always left unheard. So I sit here silently and alone watching the world go round counting all those afraid to fly who keep their eyes fixed to the ground. I wonder if I'll ever break through this mental wall or am I doomed to be like those who never risk because of their fear to fall?

It All Ends At Sundown by WhAtUDiDnTCrEatE, literature

Further on up the road by angellsangell, literature

Literature

Further on up the road

Nudged along a lonely road Heafting such a heavy load Ugly as the hoping toad Playing in a different mode I sit alone and strum my song All my chords seem so damn wrong They sound too weak or they sound too strong They sustain just a bit too long So i stand and stride a mile more A pourpose at the journeys core Now the roads seem very steep Now the stars begin to creep into the sky Now my eyes begin to seek A road that's not so very steep Now my shues begin to creek In the mud and sinking deep A promise i forgot to keep I made her break and hurt and wheep So now i've left with no more lies And life goes on in all our eyes

Blue by arthman, literature

Literature

Blue

I cross the bridge of life, Burning it as I go. And I gaze across The slumbering, blue menace below. I drink to a blue oblivion. I let grow within me, With that one glance, The need to careen Into the glistening, blue expanse. I drink myself into a blue oblivion. Is true life hiding Under that blue, liquid sky? Or is that life Just another lie? I drink to a blue oblivion. Finally, my depression And my reasoning conspire To feed fuel To this overwhelming desire. I jerk the wheel, And knock down the wall. The tires leave the pavement And the car begins to freefall. I drink myself into a blue oblivion. I draw nearer to t

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Yesterday by DorothyJ, literature

Literature

Yesterday

As I lay here lost in your arms I feel so safe though you're doing me harm. We're just friends to others you say but I know it's untrue, at least for today. It started one night late after work. I wish I'd had the insight to know I would get hurt. I resisted at first, but only in my head. You cured my unknown thirst, then drown me instead. You played it cool the very next day, we talked about school and forgot yesterday. Sometimes you pretend it never happened, that we've never kissed. And my spirits are dampened because my feelings still exist. With every twist and turn on this road that some call life, you're the o

Yesterday

DorothyJ

About DorothyJ

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United States
Deviant for 19 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Current Residence: Missouri
Favourite genre of music: not country!
Personal Quote: The only person worth your tears would never make you cry

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Goo Goo Dolls, Linkin Park,Chevelle,Three Days Grace,G-n-R,Beach Boys,Snow Patrol,Green Day, etc.

Favourite Writers

~kodyparton04, ~arthman, ~falsifier, ~WhAtUDiDnTCrEaTe, ~cocky-gurlie

Favourite Games

LOTR MONOPOLY

Other Interests

reading,writing,basketball,sleeping,talking on msn,hanging out with friends,collecting LOTR stuffs

Posts

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DorothyJ

Oct 15, 2011

makes sense to me, that's all that matters

0 min read

Haven't been on here in a LONG time. Funny how life gets in the way of living sometimes...and how the past ends up shaping our future. It doesn't have to dictate it though, the past should tell us where we've been so that we know where we are (or are NOT) going. It's hard for people to let go sometimes. Especially to negative feelings or past hurts.  Mistakes are okay sometimes.  It's how we learn, isn't it?  IF we learn from them, that is.  Not gonna lie, I've had one hell of a year.  I shouldn't be here right now.  I shouldn't have been around several times though.  If there's a point to my being here-to my very existence-I would love to ha

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DorothyJ

Jul 30, 2008

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

Brianna Nicole: Born May 6, 2008 @ 1:20 pm. 6lbs. 12oz. 20 inches long. I realize this is a little late, but she's been keeping me pretty busy.  She's finally sleeping through the night, which means more rest for Andy and I.  I like being a mom, it's definitely a different experience.  I didn't realize I could love anyone so much! We had her pictures done last week and I was going to try to post one on here, but I haven't a clue how to do it.  Anyways, for those interested, here's the link: http://smilestore.picturepeople.com/my/images?cg=207294587117828399 I'm pretty sure that'll take you right to it.  Well, I gotta get off here for now.

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DorothyJ

Feb 5, 2008

Update

0 min read

I haven't been on here in a while, so this is my lazy way of responding to everyone at once.  This week I will officially be 7 months along....I'll be glad when this baby gets out of me.  That came across as heartless I realize, but you try sharing your body with someone who makes you sick (still have hyperemesis) and then jumps up and down on your bladder like it's a trampoline!  I think I have a human octopus inside me, it's constantly moving!  I haven't had the greatest pregnancy, but andy and I are both looking forward to the baby coming.  We have our second ultrasound in march which will determine if I have to have a C-section or not.  W

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Profile Comments 65

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WhAtUDiDnTCrEatE

Nov 26, 2008

hey you, where have you gone? i miss your comments on my writing lol. hope everything is going good. take care.

DorothyJ

Nov 26, 2008

Sorry, it's hard to find time to be online anymore with a little one. I also just moved on Saturday and so have been busy for the past few months packing and now unpacking. Oh yeah, and I'm a single mom now. Things could be better, but I have a beautiful daughter to show for it all which makes it all worthwhile at least. I hope things are going good for you. I'm flattered that you've missed me! I don't think anyone else does or would care. It seems I've lost all my friends, or should I say fraudulent-friends. Apparently they were never really friends to me at all at any point in time and I just didn't realize it. Whatever, they can all go to hell.
Sorry, had to vent. Anyways, I'll try to find the time to comment on some of your latest ones as soon as I get a chance. Take care and hope you have a happy thanksgiving. ttyl.

Dorothy

WhAtUDiDnTCrEatE

Nov 26, 2008

yeah i understand. things for me have been real busy and I've been struggling with money. If you don't mind me asking what happened with Andy? I've managed to stay single for the last 2 years now and get involved in a lot of bullshit with girls along the way. congrats on the baby though since i was too busy with my own shit to say it before.
of course i've missed you. you have been one of my biggest supporters for for the past like 4 or 5 years now lol. and the support has somewhat helped me through some tough times in my life. so i do want you to know i appreciated it. I'm always here if you ever need to talk or vent though. i hope you have a good Thanksgiving too!

honnelore

Aug 9, 2006

We have to go have dinner some night or go play bingo! I don't have your number, but I have Andy's. So far I'm free Saturday after about 2:00!

cocky-gurlie

Jun 13, 2006

'SLEEP SOUNDLY, LITTLE ONE!!!'

cocky-gurlie

Apr 5, 2006

I'm glad we get to talk again. All that other bullshit wasn't worth losing touch. But hey, looks like neither of us have to worry about that now, do we?

**I wish DA had a delete button so I could delete my last couple of comments on your page... DAmn the man!**

TTYL,

~D

DorothyJ

Apr 11, 2006

Lol! I know what you mean!

~D